Easter 2019

EASTER SERMON 2019 by Father James DiLuzio C.S.P. delivered at Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton Parish, Las Vegas, NV.

NOTE: My Easter homily became a Sermon in light of the tragedy of terrorism in Sri Lanka this morning. As a result I incorporated insights from my Good Friday homily into it. However if you scroll down on this page, you can read the original version I wrote, Or, if you’re pressed for time, scroll down further and read the shorter version I delivered at the Easter Vigil. To my surprise, the congregation applauded at this longer version!

2nd Note: On April 22, 2019 the Sri Lanka Government identified the suicide bombings coordinated by a local Islamic Terrorist Group: National Thowheeth Jama’ath calculating targeting Christians.

We arrived!  Arrived at the culmination of all things: Death and Resurrection.  It’s the heart of life; the promise of tomorrow and a sobering witness to the reality of good and evil in the world. 

This morning we are confronted with the news of another terrorist attack.  This time in three Catholic Churches in Sri Lanka and three hotels there.  People instinctively ask, “Why does God allow these things to happen?” It’s a natural question and the answer lies in what we have been exploring throughout Holy Week from Passion Sunday through Good Friday.  That question is posed somewhat differently but it is, essentially, the same question: “Why did God demand Jesus to suffer on the Cross?”  The Holy Spirit continues to inspire the Church and great spiritual writers and scripture scholars no longer accept the age-old explanation that God demanded Jesus’ sacrifice to atone for all the world’s sins. We are evolving a more honest response from an even older, less time-and-culture-conditioned theology:  Jesus is the full revelation of the invisible God.  Thus, we understand as Jesus surrendered to the Cross, exposing the sins of the world (all that led Jesus to Calvary—hatred, fear, envy, jealousy, greed, scapegoating and more) in order to offer the only antidote: Love-Forgiveness, we see God in this way, too.  Indeed, a studied view of biblical history reveals that from the beginning, God endured and surrendered to humanity’s sins because of the gift of Free-Will, one of the essential dimensions of the “Divine Spark,” the eternal soul in humanity that mirrors the image of God.   So, just as Jesus revealed on the Cross, God patiently endures the harm we do to ourselves and others, all the while inviting us to conversion, to repentance, to a better vision of ourselves and what our world can be. God’s constant call: Die to Sin, Live Anew in Me, transform yourselves and others. That’s the eternal Easter message

We look at the tragedy in Sri-Lanka and ask what does the world need? Practicality may advise more police, more military.  Yet don’t we know that contemporary police and military are now schooled in psychology and diplomacy—they’re learning how to disarm angry, violent frustrated individuals, tools that acknowledge their suffering, however, misguided, however insane, and invite them to alternative actions.  Christians everywhere must approach violence in just the same way, picking up the Cross to discern the causes of hatred, fear and violence and strive to eradicate the sins at their source.  It is believed the attacks are, once again, from Muslim fundamentalists. There’s a tendency to blame Islam.  But we know that millions of Muslims throughout the world are also victimized by the radical, fundamentalists in their midst. Christianity, too, has its fundamentalists who see all tragedies as a direct act of God, punishing humanity for its sins.  True, most fundamentalist Christians do not resort to physical violence, but their view is, at times, violent and causes great disruption, confusion and pain among Christians and others.  We need more dialogue with them to share how our biblical interpretations have grown.  And we need more conversation with our well-intentioned Muslim neighbors, locally, internationally, politically and religiously to help them and us address the roots of radical fundamentalism and its violence. God knows, even some of our nation’s policies with other countries, not intentionally, but inadvertently adds to some of the suffering of peoples in those countries and makes them vulnerable to fundamental radicals. The Cross of Jesus insists we join Christ in suffering with others in order to uncover evil’s sources and address them, heal them, transforming ourselves and the world in the process.  This too participates in the eternal pattern of dying and rising.  It’s more difficult work than blaming and addressing violence with more violence. It requires more patience, more faith, more hope, more love.

Let’s move now from the news, to another level of the Easter message: The Cross and Resurrection is the pattern of ultimate reality of all:  everything and everyone who ever was and ever will be.  From the astounding Big Bang, when Jesus voiced God’s creation into being- “Let there be LIGHT” and light, energy and all the elements of the material world came to be.  Participating in dying and rising that is the entire evolutionary process, we recognize the COSMIC CHRIST in whom we move and live and have our being.

Science tells us that asteroids formed around the stars, propelled into space by cosmic energy formed the planets –offering carbon and oxygen, silicon—essential material for life.  Their individual components remained but together, at the same time, they formed something new: planets orbiting around the sun.  In a sense, they died, yet retained their essence while transformed into a greater whole.  That’s the story of our planet, the story of all species, including ours. Why the carbon of asteroids and exploding stars is in us all—we have the Divine Spark, the immortal soul in us AND we are made of stardust, too! The instances of our continuity with the best, but in new forms, new dynamics are amazing.  Why we only recently discovered Neanderthal DNA in peoples of European descent. The Neanderthals are still with us, gone yet transformed!  Believe it!  This is the story of Jesus of Nazareth fully human and fully God, indivisible, whose human essence was retained but transformed into something new, more alive, in His Resurrection from the dead; a deeper reality to enjoy greater communion with us beyond the confines of time, of history and the limitations of earth.  ALIVE in every age, inviting every generation in be communion with Him. 

Too many people look at the science of evolution and think of it as cruel, meaningless and random. For that reason, and the scandal of too much biblical literalism, some people of faith reject it entirely. But Popes from Saint John Paul II to Benedict and Francis see in it NOT CRUELTY BUT CHRIST Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.  For Evolution bears the stamp of Jesus birth, life, death and resurrection.  Jesus tells “Do not be afraid” of this eternal pattern, be at peace with it, participate in this living and dying and get caught up in its ultimate resolution: eternity in a communion of Saints. 

Surrendering to dying and rising offers heavenly rewards but it also provides us with the only one, true valuable “immediate gratification:” literal experiences of heaven right here, right now. Today and every day the Resurrected Jesus cries out to us, “Peace be with You. Don’t be afraid to DIE to sin. Don’t be afraid to enter into your suffering and the suffering of others, for I am with you. WITH ME you can do anything, including transforming the causes of sin and suffering so this old world can become something new. 

Meanwhile, we must be mindful that much of our World rejects this Paschal Mystery.  It distains the Cross and its life-giving properties. It denies death—creating an Eternal Youth Culture that ignores the wisdom that comes from the process of aging.  And yet, all the world’s philosophies recognize the importance of the eternal pattern:  we humans die repeatedly—from infancy to childhood, to youth, to middle age, to senior years–each in their own time, each with their own lessons of pain and recovery, failures and successes, dying and growing in wisdom.   Part of EASTER GLORY is knowing that the sins of our past, now that we are in Communion with Christ, become a treasure chest of wisdom—not of guilt or regret but of determination to change because of the Love-Forgiveness Jesus offered from the Cross. Still, great challenges confront us:  so many peoples of our world, Christians and non-Christians alike remain unwilling to learn from biblical history and world history and continue to perpetuate the same cruel realities, cultivating death by advancing at the expense of others rather than the mutual uplifting of all peoples.   

But for us in the light of Easter we stand with the Resurrected Jesus.  Like our Savior, we vow today never to cause death but to surrender to it in its natural progressions, ready to learn from it, unafraid to be humbled by it and transformed into new ways of living, of loving, of hoping—the GREAT REVERSAL, THE STAMP OF THE SCRIPTURES, THE HEART OF THE GOSPEL. And, how wonderful for your local church this Easter, last night 17 people of various ages, joined us in Christ, baptized and in Catholic communion along with thousands of others throughout the world in Easter Vigils.

The World may thrive self-aggrandizement, power and manipulation.  Jesus offers us the opposite:  humility, surrender, transformative faith, freely chosen, freely engaged in—the freedom of being Children of God who doesn’t manipulate us, but continually invites us to be and to live as we were meant to live from the beginning, CAN BE NOW, and with God’s Amazing Grace, ever shall be.  Happy, Joyous, Ecstatic Easter, everyone!

SERMON # 2: Here’s the HOMILY I wrote PRIOR to hearing about the bombings in Sri Lanka:

We’ve arrived!  Arrived at the culmination of all things: Death and Resurrection.  We began Holy Week affirming that God is Love-Forgiveness incarnated in Christ Jesus. 

We explored on Holy Thursday the confirmation of the GREAT REVERSAL –humanity choosing a “GOD”-centered life instead of a “ME”-centered life.  For this ongoing conversion, we must forever keep in our hearts and minds the Holy Thursday image of our mighty God’s tenderness: Jesus washing the feet of sinful, base yet precious and holy humanity –all these aspects represented by the Apostles. Allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed with such an affectionate display of God’s Love-Forgiveness, we ask our God to make for us every Eucharist a dying to sin, rejuvenating us to rise to serve God through patience, kindness and compassion to all our siblings, i.e. all children of God.

Yesterday we contemplated the Cross and how Jesus suffered to assure us he is with us in our suffering. He also invites us to enter into suffering of others.  This is how He will transform us and our world. The Easter Mystery invites us to absorb  this reality, to be filled and transformed into new wineskins—honoring the old ways, but not clinging to them that we deny ourselves the gifts of living with JESUS in the present moment, willing to invite Him to helps us grow, mature and offer fresh wine to others.   

And, speaking of “NEW WINE,” it is important we continue to wrestle with, discuss and share how the Church has come to understand Jesus’ death on the cross. It’s evolving!  We are moving beyond the old ways that interpreted the crucifixion as God’s demand for sacrifice by revisiting deeper insights of an older, more consistent tradition: “Jesus if the full revelation of the invisible God.” Thus as Jesus surrendered to the Cross not because God demanded it—God’s will was that the KINGDOM, new way of living and loving be accepted—but to remind the world how God endured, surrendered to human folly, sin and sickness with infinite patience from the beginning even unto now.  Bring this conversation into your Easter dinner:  Jesus died on the Cross to expose the sins of the world—hate, fear, envy, jealousy, greed, scapegoating—to provide the only antidote to sin:  LOVE-FORGIVENESS, the very heart of God. This is the insight of our generations. New generations will add their own revelations as the Holy Spirit continues to guide the Church through dying and rising.

Life, Death and Rebirth manifested in Christ continues to be manifested through the Church but far beyond it as well.  The Cross and Resurrection is the pattern of ultimate reality of all:  everything and everyone who ever was and ever will be.  From the astounding Big Bang, when Jesus voiced God’s creation into being- “Let there be LIGHT” and light, energy and all the elements of the material world came to be.  Participating in dying and rising that is the entire evolutionary process, we recognize the COSMIC CHRIST in whom we move and live and have our being.

Science tells us that asteroids formed around the stars, propelled into space by cosmic energy formed the planets –offering carbon and oxygen, silicon—essential material for life.  Their individual components remained but together, at the same time, they formed something new: planets orbiting around the sun.  In a sense, they died, yet retained their essence while transformed into a greater whole.  That’s the story of our planet, the story of all species, including ours. Why the carbon of asteroids and exploding stars is in us all—we have the Divine Spark, the immortal soul in us AND we are made of stardust, too! The instances of our continuity with the best, but in new forms, new dynamics are amazing.  Why we only recently discovered Neanderthal DNA in peoples of European descent. The Neanderthals are still with us, gone yet transformed!  Believe it!  This is the story of Jesus of Nazareth fully human and fully God, indivisible, whose human essence was retained but transformed into something new, more alive, in His Resurrection from the dead; a deeper reality to enjoy greater communion with us beyond the confines of time, of history and the limitations of earth.  ALIVE in every age, inviting every generation in be communion with Him. 

Too many people look at the science of evolution and think of it as cruel, meaningless and random. For that reason, and the scandal of too much biblical literalism, some people of faith reject it entirely. But Popes from Saint John Paul II to Benedict and Francis see in it NOT CRUELTY BUT CHRIST Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.  For Evolution bears the stamp of Jesus birth, life, death and resurrection.  Jesus tells “Do not be afraid” of this eternal pattern, be at peace with it, participate in this living and dying and get caught up in its ultimate resolution: eternity in a communion of Saints. 

Surrendering to dying and rising offers heavenly rewards but it also provides us with the only one, true valuable “immediate gratification:” literal experiences of heaven right here, right now. Today and every day the Resurrected Jesus cries out to us, “Peace be with You. Don’t be afraid to DIE to sin. Don’t be afraid to enter into your suffering and the suffering of others, for I am with you. WITH ME you can do anything, including transforming the causes of sin and suffering so this old world can become something new. 

Meanwhile, we must be mindful that much of our World rejects this Paschal Mystery.  It distains the Cross and its life-giving properties. It denies death—creating an Eternal Youth Culture that ignores the wisdom that comes from the process of aging.  And yet, all the world’s philosophies recognize the importance of the eternal pattern:  we humans die repeatedly—from infancy to childhood, to youth, to middle age, to senior years–each in their own time, each with their own lessons of pain and recovery, failures and successes, dying and growing in wisdom.   Part of EASTER GLORY is knowing that the sins of our past, now that we are in Communion with Christ, become a treasure chest of wisdom—not of guilt or regret but of determination to be change because of the Love-Forgiveness Jesus offered from the Cross. Still, great challenges confront us:  so many peoples of our world, Christians and non-Christians alike remain unwilling to learn from biblical history and world history and continue to perpetuate the same cruel realities, cultivating death by advancing at the expense of others rather than the mutual uplifting of all peoples.   

But for us in the light of Easter we stand with the Resurrected Jesus.  Like our Savior, we vow today never to be the cause death but to surrender to it in its natural progressions, ready to learn from it, unafraid to be humbled by it and transformed into new ways of living, of loving, of hoping—the GREAT REVERSAL, THE STAMP OF THE SCRIPTURES, THE HEART OF THE GOSPEL. And, how wonderful for your local church this Easter, last night 17 people of various ages, joined us in Christ, baptized and in Catholic communion along with thousands of others throughout the world in Easter Vigils. The World may thrive self-aggrandizement, power and manipulation.  Jesus offers us the opposite:  humility, surrender, transformative faith, freely chosen, freely engaged in—the freedom of being Children of God who doesn’t manipulate us, but continually invites us to be and to live as we were meant to live from the beginning, CAN BE NOW, and with God’s Amazing Grace, ever shall be.  Happy, Joyous, Ecstatic Easter,

SERMON # 3: Here’s the SHORTER VERSION delivered at the EASTER VIGIL

We’ve arrived!  Arrived at the culmination of all things: Death and Resurrection. 

We began Holy Week affirming that God is Love-Forgiveness incarnated in Christ Jesus whose death exposed all the sins of the world in order to forgive them in an unconditional love. 

We explored on Holy Thursday the confirmation of the GREAT REVERSAL – God’s plan for humanity since the Original Sin when humans chose a “ME”-centered life instead of a GOD-centered life.  Through the Covenant with Israel and the Promises of Christ, God continues to invite us to reverse that pattern.

We were invited to hold that image of the Eucharist—that experience of “God with us,” the communion we participate in every day or every Sunday, week after week, year after year—holding that experience in our hearts, living it daily, with the Holy Thursday image of our mighty God’s tenderness: Jesus washing the feet of sinful, base humanity represented by the Apostles, making every Eucharist a dying to sin and a renewal to rise to serve God through kindness and compassion to others.

Yesterday we contemplated the Cross and how Jesus suffered to assure us he is with us in our suffering and to invite us to enter into suffering of others with Him so he may transform us and those who suffer with faith, hope and love.

Now the suffering is over for we have contemplated in new, fresh ways some of the heights of depths of the Great Mystery of God of Peace, as Jesus offered PEACE, not recrimination to the disciples and evermore offers Peace to us, regardless of our denials, betrayals or failures.  The Easter Mystery invites us to absorb  this reality, to be filled and transformed into new wineskins—honoring the old, but not so clinging to them that we deny ourselves the gifts of living in the present moment with Jesus willing to grow, to mature and ready to offer fresh wine to others.   

Life, Death and Rebirth are manifested in Christ and all who experience Jesus.  Yes.  But His pattern is the ultimate reality of all, of everything and everyone who ever was and ever will be.  From the astounding Big Bang, when Jesus voiced God’s creation into being-“Let there be LIGHT” and light, energy and all the elements of the material world came to be to the dying and rising of the entire evolutionary process, we recognize the COSMIC CHRIST in whom we move and live and have our being.

Just as asteroids formed around the stars, propelled by cosmic energy beyond them to form planets –offering carbon and oxygen, silicon—essential material for life.  Their individual components remained but together, at the same time, they formed something.  In a sense, they died but retained their essence while still becoming something new.  That the story of our planet, the story of all species, including ours and the story of Jesus of Nazareth fully human and revealed as fully God indivisible in His Resurrection, his human essence retained but transformed into something new, more alive, in a sense, with greater communion with God and us than ever before; ALIVE in every age, every generation in communion with Him.  And, mystery beyond glory, love beyond all telling, Jesus offers us the same NOW and onto Eternity. 

Too many people look at the science of evolution and think of it as cruel, meaningless and random and so some people of faith reject it entirely. But Popes from Saint John Paul II to Benedict and Francis see in it not cruelty but Christ Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.  For Evolution bears the stamp of Jesus birth, life, death and resurrection.  Jesus tells “Do not be afraid” of this eternal pattern, be at peace with it, participate in this life to be caught up into its resolution for all eternity’.  Yes, surrendering to it offers heavenly rewards but also the only true valuable “immediate gratification,” literal experiences of resurrection, of heaven right here, right now. Today and every day the Resurrected Jesus cries out to us, “Peace be with You. Don’t be afraid to die to sin. Don’t be afraid to enter into your suffering and the suffering of others, for I am with you; with me you can do anything, including transforming the causes of sin and suffering and become something new.  Not perpetuating the ways of the world but participating in God’s ways, creating a kingdom here on earth that mirrors all the realities and promises of heaven. And in our heart of hearts we know this is true.

The World rejects the Paschal Mystery.  It distains the Cross and its life-giving properties. It denies death when it can—creating as it has an Eternal Youth Culture that ignores the wisdom that comes from the process of aging.  And yet, all the world’s philosophies recognizes the human realities that we die repeatedly– to childhood, to adolescence, to youth, to middle age, to  senior years–each in their own time, each with their own lessons of pain and recovery, failures and successes, dying and growing in wisdom.   On the other hand, the world also participates in death, causing death while ignoring its repercussions, the consequences of evil it cultivates in its wake. Not willing to learn from its history but perpetuating the same cruel realities.

But for us in the light of Easter we stand with the Resurrected Jesus.  Like our Savior, we vow we will not cause death but we surrender to it in order to learn from it, unafraid to be humbled by it and to transform into new ways of living, of loving, of hoping—the GREAT REVERSAL, THE STAMP OF THE SCRIPTURES, THE HEART OF THE GOSPEL.

The World thrives on self-aggrandizement, power and manipulation.  Jesus offers us the opposite:  humility, surrender, transformative faith, freely chosen, freely engaged in—the freedom of being Children of God, the same NOW and onto Eternity.  Happy, Joyous, Ecstatic Easter, everyone!

Advertisements

How to Handle Angry Feelings / A Process of Love-Forgiveness

Steps to Take When I Feel Angry –How to Apply Charity Toward Our Self and Others (including Tools for Addressing Angry or Difficult People)

  1. Instantaneous, interior prayer required! PRAY: “Lord, help me with my anger. Help me understand what is going on in my heart. I often want to fight anger with anger, but I know from my own experience that doing so is unproductive and doesn’t help solve the problem. Help me move from anger to sorrow over the sins of the world.”
  2. Am I afraid?
    1. Am I in physical danger? “Help me to be wise and extricate myself from this person or situation immediately.”
    2. Is my fear based on my insecurities? “Help me to be sure of your love and forgiveness and not let another person’s judgments distract me from your love.”2. Am I afraid to admit my wrongdoing? “Give me courage to be humble and truthful and ask, ‘What may I do to undo the damage that has been done?’” B, Am I being accused of something unjustly? “Help me to be patient and find the right time and manner to explain the situation more fully.
  3. Is my current adversary putting me down, judging or ridiculing me? “Let me not give this person power over me and play on my insecurities. Instead make me confident in your Love for Me and trust that his or her anger is more about their fears and insecurities. Remind me that fear and anger most often occur when we forget or negate your love/ forgiveness for us–including our fear of change.”
  4. Am I being taken advantage of? “Help me to claim my right to not answer my antagonist’s questions and not to make any agreements until I have more time to examine the situation.” Say, “I feel uncomfortable with what you are asking. Let me get back to you.”
  5. Is it pride that makes me angry? “Help me to see that my life is not about me but always about You. Instill in me the truth that You intend the salvation of the world—a plan that involves me to live according to your will, not mine.”
  6. State what you OBSERVE about the other person’s state –NOT WHAT THEY SAY OR DO.
    1. “I see that you are very angry and upset. This matter is very important to you. Help me understand what you are going through.”
    2. Next state what’s going on within you. Examples:
      1. “When you act this way, I am frightened. Are you aware that you are frightening me? May we address this issue in some other way? Or Take “Time Out?”
      2. “Your actions have harmed me and/or another person. It is wrong to express our thoughts and feelings in this way. I must ask you to leave the room and consider the harm you have done until you calm down. If you will not excuse yourself, I must ask you to leave our home.”
      3. “Your strong emotions bring up feelings of my own angers that are tied to thoughts that perhaps you don’t understand me or know me the ways that I thought you did. Or maybe it is I who don’t fully know or understand you. How may we understand one another better without rancor?”
  7. Introduce New Levels of Logic: “What do you think is really going on here? Are yours or someone else’s feelings be ignored or dismissed as unimportant?”  “Sometimes we think LOVE means that we must do what the other person wants us to do. Isn’t there a better logic than this?”   “Will praying together help us now – or do we need more discussion first?”
  8. When Communication Breaks Down: “We are having a communication problem. Please know that my statement is not a judgment on you. It’s a problem to be solved.” What logic do you use to maintain that saying this becomes an accusation against you?   Do you not believe that every human being needs to work on improving his or her communication skills without thinking that they are a loser or something worse? There’s a wonderful saying. ” Perfection is the enemy of the good.” Only God is perfect. Let’s acknowledge our imperfections and work on addressing your feelings and mine with patience and charity.”
  9. Keep in mind this response: “There’s a certain way of thinking–a kind of logic that you hold on to–that causes you great pain and anxiety. It also brings heartache to all who Love you. May we take a “step back” and explore other ways of looking at this situation? If we are to ever have the peace we need and want, we must seek different ways of thinking, so we can love ourselves. We all need to love ourselves because we are Children of God. Life is about learning to accept Love as it is offered, not as we think it is supposed to be offered. Therefore, HOPE is a matter of lowered expectations as far as people are concerned. We must change our way of thinking if we ever want to be happy. I can’t do that for you. But I know this: As you learn to be kinder to yourself, you’ll find yourself more patient and kinder toward me and to others. Meanwhile, I’m going for a walk because I have great difficulty with the ways you express anger. (“And I don’t want to treat you the way I experience you treating me.”)
  10. Here’s another one: “I understand that you are very angry. And, of course, this is an important issue. If I have done something wrong, I am willing to take responsibility for it. But, remember, Jesus says “Stop condemning! Stop Judging!” because condemning and judging prevent us from solving our problems. So, ask yourself “Do I want help extracting myself from the blaming game, or not?” There are more productive ways to deal with our hurts and fears and angers. Shall we explore these together or do you need to do this on your own? I want to respect your needs. Take as much time as you need. At some point, I trust we will be able to work together to solve this problem.”
  11. Self-Care:
  • Don’t try to teach someone a lesson unless he or she has enrolled in the course!
  • When someone says he or she is not ready to discuss the issue, believe them! Postponing a needed discussion is NOT a personal insult or injury.
  • Be ever-ready to say, “Let’s talk about this later.” But be sure to set the time aside sooner-than-later.

REMEMBER: THESE ARE TOOLS –NOT GUARANTEES inspired by Jesus is teaching “Love your enemies” and “Turn the other cheek.” We now interpret these instructions to mean that we are not to let others take our God-given self-worth and dignity from us. Standing firm in God’s constant love/forgiveness for us, we remind our adversaries of our common humanity. Jesus does not want us to accept their abuse. Luke 6: 27 ff If you just need to VENT –Pray Psalm 109

Love-Forgiveness

By Father James DiLuzio C.S.P.   http://www.LukeLive.com

We either Live in Love-Forgiveness (ONE WORD) or we do not. We must cultivate Love-Forgiveness in our hearts and invite loved ones to do the same. What’s needed for love-forgiveness to reign? Here’s the short list of what to do when we are hurt, angry, betrayed

  • In the heat of the moment, learn to say things like “I am deeply hurt and/or angry by what was said or what is happening (or ‘just happened.’) We need to take “time out” to think this through.”
  • Vent, Rage and Cry to the Only Fully Objective Loved One — GOD; Jesus Himself prayed psalms of lament and disappointment. If you need to share your feelings with another person, try to pick a trusted relative or friend who is not likely to get involved emotionally, come to your defense or take sides against the other.
  • Insist relatives and friends respect the integrity of each personal relationship. Allow only the individuals involved to work through the conflict. Others must avoid all temptation to pass judgment, condemn or enter the fray unless physical  o r deep emotional abuse occurred, or the incident involves a minor in need of protection.
  • Secure that God loves you in your anger, your hurt, your betrayal –that God’s love for you is the foundation of your life—pray that you are moved to PITY the one who hurt you. See in him or her a fellow human being who has fallen from grace, given into temptation of selfishness, greed, violence, fear or weakness.
  • Take TIME OUT, allow yourself time to let grace take hold of you and move you from hurt, and/ or rage to pity and, finally, to tenderness.”
  • Pray Pity be transformed to TENDERNESS as you would offer tenderness to a disobedient child; everyone has a right to live, to learn, to improve, to encounter God through Love-Forgiveness – In this world of ours, it is one of the primary ways to encounter God.
  • Allow for Time to Pass, i.e., GOD’s Time, not “our time,” for you and the other person to come to a place of reviewing the situation and his or her actions calmly and honestly. Here we must trust in Jesus’ and the Psalms’ constant reminder that God allows the sun to shine on the just and unjust, good and the wicked precisely to allow people to choose to evaluate the harm they’ve done to themselves and others. Say, “I was very hurt / angry by what was said and done. I need to understand what you were feeling and where you were coming from. That will help me a lot. Then, if you are willing, I would like to share my feelings and concerns.”
  • With patience, discern forms of accountability you may eventually offer your assailant or adversary—just as a priest offers penance to sinners in the confessional. As penance offers actions and prayers to help the penitent to both show remorse AND accept accountability for his or actions in praise of God, so, too, must we be “priests to one another,” offer opportunities for change – as you would with a child.” Ask “How can I help and support you to undo the damage that’s been done?”
  • If the offender agrees to amend the situation and, if warranted, get treatment for his or her behavior, don’t try to reconcile the relationship right away. If asked, let the other person know that you continue to work on reconciliation but are not ready to remove restrictions on your relationship. Meanwhile, assure them you will pray for their working through their problem and taking responsibility for their actions. More patience is needed for the elderly and infirm than for younger, healthier people.
  • If the offender is not willing to address the issue (e.g. “this is who I am; I’m not changing; my way or none at all”) your health and safety may require the relationship to move to a respectable distance, or, if irreconcilable issues, severed. Forgive in your heart, so you are FREE from reliving the hurt, the pain; free to move onward toward a wiser, humbler, more hopeful future.

Paulist Press Resources: Healing Life’s Hurts by Dennis Linn and Matthew Linn

Don’t Forgive Too Soon by Dennis and Sheila Linn and Matthew Linn

Good Goats – Healing Our Image of God by Dennis and Sheila Linn and

Matthew Linn http://www.paulistpress.com/